#1.


So here goes.....

From a young ages I never really understood what the buzz from gambling was about. I used to see it on films and tv programs and thought it was for the rich and famous. Seeing James Bond in a tux playing card games, in my mind I could never see myself being in that situation.

The first time it ever caught my attention was my dad’s stag do, was much of a ‘do’ more just me and him going out for a day before his 2nd wedding. We went to the races and I had no idea what I was doing. We were wearing nice clothes, drinking and just enjoying the day. Out of the blue he handed me some money and said have a go on a horse, me being me I picked one with a funny name and put £10 on it. Amazing it won and I had no idea, my attention was focused on my dad who was glued to the race. I could see all the different emotions going through him like it was a life or death situation, in the end he was so happy so I guessed he had won. He went to get the next round of drinks but also came back with a huge amount of cash. I believe that’s when it all started, that’s when I wanted more.

I had friends who liked to gamble, nothing crazy but it was enough for me to join in. Started out going to the bookies once in a while, a trip to the dogs or racetrack. But I never seemed to ever win much and that bothered me. Whatever I done in life I wanted to do well at because I never seemed to be able to handle the feeling of failure, yet I wasn’t winning. Things progressed to visiting the bookies on a daily basis, spending money I shouldn’t of in the hope I would somehow make a profit. There were days in which this did happen, but I’d always be back in there the next day. So realisticly I was never winning but chasing something I didn’t know I already had.

Several credit cards and loans later I found myself in a world up pain and upset. Being the age of 19 and a pile of debt bigger then your yearly salary still wasn’t enough for me to stop. I lived for the chase constanly going for it, the world of casinos then came into play. Feeling out of my comfort zone it started out small and I wasn’t to bad to begin with. After winning a few thousand one night I had that feeling of invisibility, like it was just a day at work and I could do it everyday. Obviously within two days after I was broke again. Everytime I lost I would tell myself that’s it, no more. But the other side of me knew I was lying to myself, I knew I’d be back here. I was an addict and I knew it, but I didn’t care I just enjoyed the chase.

It continued and got a lot worse, for a guy that earns £23k a year taking £2000/£3000 a night to the casino. I’m sure you can guess how it went.

This page is called Step.Outside.The.Cloud because when your gambling it feels like your in a cloud where nothing or nobody else matters.

I gambled for eight and a half years. I ruined my life and if effecting so many other people. I lost connections to my family and friend because of it.

It’s been 3 months and 8 days since I gambled and I just wanted to get it out there.




I’ve never done this before and have no idea what I’m doing. The battle continues.